What I did what crap. But listen all the way thru... My friend has had a crush on this guy for a long time. He did not reciprocate. Anyways I slept with her crush. Yes I know I am a jerk but listen... She has for the majority of her adult life slept with people who were married or with someone. Like several times. I seriously didnt want this guy it just happened one night drinking (she was there & didn't try & stop us). She is very upset with me for sleeping with her crush especially sense it was mean less. Where I am baffled is how someone who has had majority relations with occupied people can compare me sleeping with her crush (not someone she was with) & after all these occupied people have forgiven her for stuff how she can hold this against me? They weren't even together she got involved with people who were occupied. She had slept with some of my exes I have not made the habit of sleeping with occupied people myself (he wasn't occupied). I feel like I am being punished hypocritically? Constructive or somewhat objective feed back appreciated. Just not sure how to handle this. I am the one in the wrong here obviously. But she's comparing her stuff with all justifying reasons & equating mine to horrible. I don't wanna just sit back in a corner & take too much from someone who should be more the willing to understand sh*t happens. I did apologize. And I seriously am not justifying my crap. I feel like crap. But I just find the response I am getting hypocritical. Because I slept with her crush stupid one night you equate to sleeping around? No not in a habit of sleeping around. Many were married people she doesn't know the significant other. But actually not all. Her other best friend she slept with her guy who is actually her guy (but she says the were on a break so its not so bad, well she wasn't with this guy at all). And another set of mutual friends she heavily pursued for a year one of the married party. You guys & gals with CONSTUCTIVE input are right.
Best Answer:
ʄaçade at 03 May,2013
>"... but she says the[y] were on a break so it [i]s not so bad, well she wasn't with this guy at all..." Ah, the Ross and Rachel defence. Yes, I thought I saw this story on TV at some point. But at first I thought it was "CSI". Anyway, I hope his helps: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f6H4r1kWqSM
Other Answers:
- Great more female drama
Why dont you females just stay away from each other? - How about you both stop being sluts, and treat each other and yourselves with a little respect...
- Justifying your own bad behavior on the basis of someone else's bad behavior is the first footstep on the path to Hell.
If you think you did wrong, apologize.
If you think she's an immoral person, stop being friends with her.
But don't confuse or combine the two issues. They are separate.
@cinnamon - Well, if you think she's a hypocrite, perhaps you need a new best friend. - I feel like she has no place or very little place getting angry at you. She does the same, does she not? Not to mention that this fellow is only the object of her infatuation, not a lover or a husband. She'll get over it.
- This isn't about what she has done to other people, it's about what you have done to her. If you have to draw from her mistakes to justify yours, then what does her friendship mean to you? I do think your actions were inconsiderate. If my friend did that to me, I'd be upset. Wouldn't you?
Edit: She is probably overreacting right now because she's upset. She is correct in thinking that what you've done is "worse" because it damaged your friendship. Her relationships with married people did not damage your friendship. - So, you both sleep around.
- Hi there Cinnimon!
My roommate is actually going through a similar situation right now.
First question is: Those taken fellows she's been with. Was she friends with their significant others?
It can be easy not to see oneself as in the wrong when they do not personally know the people they are hurting. She may feel that what you did is so wrong because you two were friends, which in her mind, made the betrayal more harsh.
We tend to make these rules among friends, 'bro code' or 'girl code', that we don't mess with eachothers crushes or exes. Espeially not without permission. I can understand both her frustration and yours.
However, the best advice I can offer, as an outsider looking in, is that you and this other guy made a decision as consenting adults. Is your friend equally upset with the guy?
Unfortunately, her past shenanigans really have nothing to do with your situation at hand, as they mostly did not seem to affect the friendship between you two, specifically. At any rate, I do not think that you are a bad person. I think situations happen. But your friend may see things differently. The only thing I can say is give her time. If your friendship is strong, she will get over it. If not, perhaps it's best not to have her in your life anymore anyways. Especially if she regularily does things of which you do not approve.
Sorry if this was confusing. I hope it helped or gave some insight. If not, sorry for wasting your time. - I'm sure she felt hurt but like said shet does happen. Bottom line she doesn't own him n she's messin wit othr guys so ...i'm sure she'll find anothr crush. Nothn u cant live past. Don't worry too much tru girl friends will get ovr it. Guys aren't worthit
- You are her best friend. The wife of the guys she slept with are strangers to her.
That's the difference.
Tell her that you are sorry you betrayed her and hurt her. Don't tell her that she does the same thing. Don't tell her that her crush isn't interested in her. Tell her that you are sorry you betrayed her and hurt her.
And think about this. You got drunk and nearly destroyed the best relationship in your life. It's time to admit that you have a problem with alcohol. You can stop any time? Then stop now, because you're really hurting yourself. - It sounds like you're both trashy people and best to be avoided by anyone with decency. And the fact that she is trashy too is not an excuse for you to be trashy also.
Maybe you kind of have a point since she slept with your exes, and she should know they're off-limits. But sleeping with someone she currently likes is a bit worse. But like I said, you're both trashy people. Like animals with no scruples and no control over yourselves.
And by the way, it's "meaningless," not "mean less." And "since" not "sense." Now that I've seen a writing sample, I don't want you working for The Gazette anymore. - I agree that she is being hypocritical and needs to get over it. However, you did break the code and I can see why she is upset. You said you already apologized and you obviously feel bad about it, so the best advice I can give you is to just leave her alone for a couple days and let her calm down.
After a couple of days have passed, try to contact her again in person(not by text or call if you can help it). Bring her a gift, something that she really loves, but don't go overboard(otherwise it will look like you are trying to buy her forgiveness). If she accepts the gift and is willing to open a line of communication, you need to remind her that there is NO MAN that is worth fighting over. They are a dime a dozen. Then tell her it will never happen again(and mean it-don't slip up again as far as the code goes). Sometimes a few tears will work well, too. And whatever you do, don't tell her how hypocritical she is being, it will just hurt the friendship more(even though you are right about this. Choose your battles wisely).
I hope you 2 can work it out! Good luck!! - she was THERE ?
then she decided. she could have 'managed a trio' with you two and blamed it on the alcohol in the morning. it is a memory that, 50 years later would bring a grin to her face, instead, she ALLOWED it to happen. she CHOSE the outcome. she can live with it.
a clear conversation saying what you each are thinking is called for.
hi cinnamon, - sounds to me like the big problem here is jealousy. you succeeded where she had failed. you were able to attract the guy she has been unable to. so her pride is injured, and her feelings are hurt. maybe she was hoping you would think of her and resist this guy since she wants him.
don't get caught up in trying to justify what happened between you and this guy. you say it was basically meaningless to you. this probably makes her mad because it would have meant a lot to her. doesn't matter what you or your best friend have done in the past. you hurt her feelings.
it is going to be very harmful to your friendship if both of keep on with the "well you have done this" and "yeah, but you have done that". don't turn on each other.
i do think she is being somewhat unreasonable, not that it matters what i think. my opinion is, you were wrong to fool around with a guy you knew your friend was crushing on. she is wrong for being jealous and resentful because you got the guy she couldn't win. you're both wrong for letting a guy come between you.
what can you do but tell her...look, i am sorry. i feel bad for what happened. if i had it to do over, i wouldn't do it again. our friendship means more to me than whatever-his-name-is. can we put this behind us?
don't grovel, and don't keep apologizing, or talking about it over and over. hopefully, once a little time goes by she will get over this and you two can still be friends. - >"... but she says the[y] were on a break so it [i]s not so bad, well she wasn't with this guy at all..."
Ah, the Ross and Rachel defence. Yes, I thought I saw this story on TV at some point. But at first I thought it was "CSI".
Anyway, I hope his helps: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f6H4r1kWqSM - She is upset about you breaking the 'friends don't sleep with other friends s/o or love interest'. If you value each others friendship then talk it through and never move in on your respective crushes. I don't this friendship will last - too much jealousy.