In my experience, men seem to really not like to think that a woman they like or even love has experienced hard things. They seem to ... want me to focus on other things and appear to just be happy, simple and smart (the end - no complexities). For example - A lady i know was with this dude for a long time. he met one of her sister and this sister told him in detail about his girlfriends molestation by her dad. It was really horrible and her dad actually went to prison for it. Instead of being more loving towards her, he broke up with her. She told me that the first night after her sis told him what happened, he laid next to her in bed and just like... stroked her hair all night.. but then, he went MIA the next day and they ended up breaking up. I've experienced similar things with guys who took me seriously but on a much smaller scale.... and I think that it has to do with being objectified. It doesn't 'fit' when you express that you've experienced hard things. In their minds, it leads to disillusionment... and they don't like it. I can tell in their facial expressions... even moving away as though this means that you're just not perfect soooo... onto the next one it is. I know thats what I'll get with most men but are there men out there who wont hold that against you that you know pain, know loss, ect.? Or should I just completely deny that I do know those things?
Best Answer:
Bill at 08 May,2013
Of course there are men who won't hold your pain against you. I can't speak to how many of them there are. I can't speak to how many of them are attractive either, which is something desirable in a mate. Likely the number is lower than you would like for attractive and even unattractive. It's up to you if you want to find that person or if you decide to simply keep your pain hidden from your partner. The thing about being above average, in anything including personality, character, mental stability, is that it is above average. In other words, there has to be less above average people than there are average people or below average people. It wouldn't be above average if it wasn't simply better than the rest. People expecting above average in all aspects are probably in for a rude awakening. While most don't want to settle, reality is, as the saying goes, nobody is perfect.
Other Answers:
- Only if the guy is a @ss hole.
- "I think that it has to do with being objectified. It doesn't 'fit' when you express that you've experienced hard things. In their minds, it leads to disillusionment... and they don't like it."
I think you're definitely onto something. I guess it doesn't seem "fitting" if a girl has a darker aspect to her personality because she's been through some things. Or maybe they just can't handle the baggage as well. - Of course there are men who won't hold your pain against you. I can't speak to how many of them there are. I can't speak to how many of them are attractive either, which is something desirable in a mate. Likely the number is lower than you would like for attractive and even unattractive.
It's up to you if you want to find that person or if you decide to simply keep your pain hidden from your partner.
The thing about being above average, in anything including personality, character, mental stability, is that it is above average. In other words, there has to be less above average people than there are average people or below average people. It wouldn't be above average if it wasn't simply better than the rest.
People expecting above average in all aspects are probably in for a rude awakening. While most don't want to settle, reality is, as the saying goes, nobody is perfect. - Well, in my preference i would have to say that i certainly wouldn't do that. i would probably just love on someone like that more. But anyway, i believe he was probably really nervous about what would happen, say, if he rubbed her, albeit accidentally, the wrong way. He probally thought that she might freak out and stuff. Anyway, good luck, and i wish you and your friend the best!
- as long as my baggage isn't held against me, I do not hold their baggage against them...
assuming she is still capable of enjoying physical pleasure shared between us.