Someone in my family died and I was sad the first day and cried but then after that I was perfectly fine. I'm actually kind of annoyed at all the people freaking out and crying and acting like it's the end of the world because the person died. I don't know why, but their death doesn't phase me...like I feel bad, but I'm getting sick of everyone who is using their death as an excuse to handicap themselves.. For instance, my mom, I understand that she is depressed about it. And I'm here for her, but it gets to the point that she won't take care of us. She hasn't made dinner since and it's really annoying. My motto is "continue your life and get over it because there is nothing that you can really do to change someone else's fate". I tried telling this to my mom and she thought that I was sick in the head and put me down for not respecting the dead. I feel really bad... but isn't it healthier to get on with your life than to wallow in pity?
Best Answer:
Dean at 07 May,2013
I've wondered the exact same thing. I've had plenty of death around me and I've never really been phased by it. I did once have to force myself to cry at a funeral to avoid appearing rude. Don't let your mum get to you at the moment. Everyone has their own ways of dealing with things like this, and everyone is affected differently by different things. You may feel absolutely fine but others may not. This isn't a bad thing- if anything you're a little more emotionally resilient. Both reactions are perfectly normal. I don't know how old you are but hopefully you and your sibling(s) (assuming as you said "us") are doing okay, and you're still eating! If you do think your mum needs a bit more support try turning her on to a family friend or counsellor.
Other Answers:
- All I can say is this: Everyone is different. Some mourn, some worry or fear, others dont. Some people laugh, or cry. Some people cant face it and dont believe what happened. We are all different. There is no such thing as "Normal".
- It's normal if you're not very close to someone in life. But it is different with someone who you are real close to, say a mom or dad, brother or sister, boyfriend/girlfriend, spouse.
- People grieve in their own way. For all I know, your difficulty in tolerating others grief may be a part of your own grieving process. Anger is the second of the 5 stages of grief, but I don't personally believe such things fall into neatly ordered categories without fail.
- I've wondered the exact same thing. I've had plenty of death around me and I've never really been phased by it. I did once have to force myself to cry at a funeral to avoid appearing rude.
Don't let your mum get to you at the moment. Everyone has their own ways of dealing with things like this, and everyone is affected differently by different things. You may feel absolutely fine but others may not. This isn't a bad thing- if anything you're a little more emotionally resilient. Both reactions are perfectly normal.
I don't know how old you are but hopefully you and your sibling(s) (assuming as you said "us") are doing okay, and you're still eating! If you do think your mum needs a bit more support try turning her on to a family friend or counsellor. - Well see I have this problem too. I am quite anhedonic when it comes to illness and death. My mum is a very wise woman, and luckily for me, a very understanding one. I talk to her about it and she tells me it is normal for my age. A lot of young adults experience this, this numbness, if you will. I don't know if you are a young adult but I'd assume so.
Now the thing is that obviously this is a sensitive issue. In my family we all are different levels of emotional, and I am the least so. But I respect the fact that my mum weeps and gets sad, she is my mum and she is human and I may not understand it but for as long as she needs it I will take care of her. I am no one to tell her off for her sadness, she has a different heart than mine and it has its own way of finding closure. So I don't interfere, I find it hard to bear her tears but I will cuddle her despite my own surprise at it. That moment, it doesn't matter what you want. You are family, you care for your family, your family needs you more than you need them at that moment so you care for them, they not for you. It's only logical. I make myself their rock, the one that brings them tea and blankets and if I don't want to deal with the constant sombre atmosphere I just go to my room or for a walk in the park.
I do not have your motto exactly, mine is more that death is part of life, and it is not necessarily a sad thing. Yes, they are gone. But for me they are never lost.
I understand that you find it hard to deal with this. But respect is important, very, very important. It is essential that you give your family that space. Your mum may not cook but that is not the end of the world is it? It is only a small hassle. Try not to be selfish, I know its hard. You have to be the Samaritan. Life is not always fun and easy, and here is where it gets hard for you too. You have to be there for them, regardless of how you feel about the situation. But it is not strange to feel the way you do. We all deal with things differently.
Sorry I can't provide a more satisfying answer.